Watching the World Wake Up

Let it just be known- I'm not really a morning person. I mean, don't get me wrong, I can be pleasant enough in the morning- but how I ended up in a job where I'm generally up by 5:20 A.M. 3 days a week, and 6:15 the rest of the days is somewhat beyond me... Because in the morning, I feel like I'm running on low batteries- I'm unenergized and groggy. I'm quiet. I'm slower-moving. And if you need me to be responsive beyond "yes, no or okay" well then you better wait a while. 

That being said, I think one of my favorite things is watching the world around me wake up. One of the days here in Nantucket I woke up at 6:00 and drove down into town so I could do my run down there. Now, let's be real, my attention when running is so focused on "one foot in front of the other" and "don't stop breathing" that I don't notice as much as I wish I could. But, when I parked downtown there weren't any cars, really. A couple breakfast spots were open- but the people had yet to arrive to eat. There weren't any other runners (cobblestones I suppose are a slight deterrent). And the bikers had not yet begun their days. But when I stopped running about 30 mins later, the whole scene had begun to change. More cars were driving through the quaint, one-way roads. The Bean (my favorite cafe on the island) had a line of people waiting for their dose of caffeine. An older man sat on the bench on Centre St. reading a newspaper while sipping coffee. The light had changed. It was as if the whole town was gently rolling out of bed with a bright eyed and busy-tailed "good morning" greeting just for me! And I love that. It almost feels like I'm watching something secret- most people miss the wake up and only see a scene as what it is when they arrive. 

This morning I'm having another morning where I feel like I'm the first to greet the day and bid it good morning. I sit in the family room at 5:00 A.M. looking out glass doors (on the second floor). At first the sky is dark like night and I hear only the sounds of the clickety clack of my keyboard and my own quiet breathing. Not a sound echoes through the house. But as I sit and type and think, the dark moves up into the sky as a rainbow of light begins to spread, beginning at the horizon and working it's way to stretch into the sky offering new light and color. And with the day come new sounds. I hear stirring downstairs- someone's awake and having their own welcome into the day. I hear the footsteps and realize it's time to share the morning- the sound and smell of coffee brewing, the quiet conversations beginning to stir downstairs. And the whole world is waking up around me. Good morning, World. 

Books on books on books

I'm in a rare mood of feeling slightly philosophical. [Eww- apologies all around!]. There's this song by Snow Patrol called "Chasing Cars" and one of the lines is "those three words are said too much and not enough" referring to "I love you". [In case that was not automatically assumed]. At first that line used to bother me- surely something can't exist in both excess and scarcity. But that's not true. That line specifically, is a truth. We say "I love you" nonchalantly- to practical strangers, to acquaintances. We say it sarcastically. We say it genuinely and we say it because sometimes it's the thing to say. We say it to smooth over arguments, to end a phone call, and we say it as a call and response- [because if you don't respond to 'I love you' with 'I love you too' then you're kind of a jerk.] And so yeah, we say it in excess. But it's also true that we don't say it enough- someone we love passes away and we would give anything to be able to hold their hand and tell them we love them, because maybe they didn't know. Or we find out someone was suffering and we wish we could have offered them the comfort of our love. Or we find ourselves in a personal tragedy and just wish that above all else we knew we were loved. We need to hear it, and for one reason or another, we sometimes don't. But that's all irrelevant. And my following thought is not at all deep- I just wanted to set the stage for how something can be both overabundant, and in serious deficiency. 

Because my not so deep thought is that I think the problem we (or maybe just I) face is that there is both too much and not enough time in the day. See there's so much time, that I can sleep far longer than I need to, do a full-time job, exercise, shower, read, write letters, socialize with friends, and still have hours to spend watching series on Netflix, going for walks, stargazing, and finding endless ways to waste time. And yet, I lack the time I think I need to take online courses, to learn about investments, to study another language, to catch up with as many family and friends as I should, and sometimes, frankly, I lack the time required to simply maintain my sanity- because there's no private time, no separation, no opportunity to recover. There's no time for naps or for shopping. There's an ever-existent to-do list with items that never get checked off. And it's torture. I find myself lying awake sometimes filled with this anxiety over the fact that I have so much to do and can't carve out the time required to do these things. 

I know I haven't mentioned this, but I'm currently in Nantucket with the family for the month. (I'll be here 10 more days before I head out to go to a wedding.) Anyhow, one of my favorite things about Nantucket is that I read very very much compared to the rest of my year- with so much beach lounging, pool lounging, and time when the kids have to read- I read read read. I've read 3 books in the past 2 weeks and brought 4 or so more- and today I finished an absolutely wonderful book- ["The Fault in Our Stars"] and I was just thinking that there are *so* many books that I want to read or that I should read- and every single day there are more being published. If I started right now, and read books 8 hours a day, I would still never finish all the books I should and want to read before I die! (And we're talking living a very very long life here people!) I mean that's just books. God forbid I wanted to do something meaningful like volunteer, or make change happen in the world, would there ever be enough time? I don't know how we cope with that? But one of the lines that is repeated throughout the Fault in Our Stars is "Live your best life today." I think adopting that as a daily life mantra would be a good place to start. We will never accomplish all our goals, and to aim low so as to be able to check off all our to-do items would be a disservice to ourselves. So it is only fair that we push ourselves with all our might- knowing we will fall short, but somehow managing to accomplish greatness in the efforts. I don't have enough time to read all the books in the world- but I have enough time to read a little every day. And I want to read more, which means since I can't make more time in the day, I'll have to re-attribute my time- traffic time might become book-on-tape time. Who knows. 

At the end of the day, we put our time into the things that matter to us. We show what's important to us everyday. So let's put our time where it matters. 

~Rachel~